Open Her
By Jonathan Roseland |
Book Review: Why you shouldn't tell her "You're beautiful!" every day
We all know that you need to make an ongoing effort to keep the romantic flame alive in a relationship, that's why you tell your woman "You're beautiful!" on the regular, right? "Open Her" by Karen Brody explains why this quotidian romantic overture falls far short of making your lady feel seen, loved, and desired. The author is sort of like a female Roosh V (a comparison I'm sure she would just love). She tasted the rainbow of masculinity and defines seven masculine archetypes in this book - which isn't really "red-pilled", feminist, or anti-feminist. This book and its unique insights on men and women don't really fit into one of our modern culture war camps. My witty and pretty wife and I read this one together, and share takeaways in this podcast...
Everything mentioned here...
Intimacy exercises
Eye-gazing exercise
First the bad news: Many men find this practice difficult. Now the good news: Done well, this couple’s practice can be deeply bonding and really allow a woman to feel seen. 1. Begin by sitting facing your partner as close as is comfortable. You can sit knee to knee in two chairs or on the floor, or you can sit with your partner in your lap straddling you. Use pillows to support both of you long enough to remain in this position for a set period of time. 2. Start with five minutes and work up to fifteen or twenty. You shouldn’t be looking at a clock to figure out when you are done. A piece of instrumental music playing softly in the background is an effective and nonintrusive timer. 3. Begin by gazing into your partner’s left eye while she gazes into your left eye. Slowly bring your breathing into alignment. You can inhale and exhale together, or you can inhale on her exhale and then reverse it. 4. Without forcing anything, keep your attention on her left eye. Look deeply into her eye. Then look deeper than her eye. Imagine that you are penetrating her with your gaze. Let your breath deepen along with the depth of your penetration. Feel your way inside her with your gaze. 5. Feel into her heart. Feel her pain and her joy. Inhabit her body and heart and soul. If emotion wells up in you as you feel her depth and her beauty, that’s okay. Tears are okay. Just don’t break focus or get lost in your own feelings. 6. You don’t need to accomplish anything here. You are merely giving her the gift of seeing as deeply into her as you can. You are giving her the gift of your absolute presence. You are penetrating her with love. 7. When the time is up, stay together a while longer. Hold her. Come apart gently and be gentle with each other afterward. Some couples feel like being sexual afterward, but that is not the point of this practice; and if your partner feels like this is just a prelude to sex for you, it will reduce the effectiveness of the practice.
Daily validation habit - described in How to Stay Loyal to Your Woman - 6 steps to resilient sexual-spiritual risk mitigation
Laughing at absolutely nothing for no reason
Couples breathwork sessions in the Othership app
Epigenetic mindset transformation meditation
Which is featured prominently in Module 7 of my new Tantra course - become a multi-orgasmic Tantric man in 22 days
My book for men
60-seconds-in-an-elevator-with-a-hottie pitch
Imagine this scenario. You’re waiting for an elevator on the ground floor. You’re alone with a beautiful woman. You make small talk for a moment, but she seems genuinely interested in who you are and what you do. As you step into the elevator, she looks into your eyes and says with some urgency, “Assume we will never see each other again; tell me what you love and what you do.”
Draft the elevator speech of your life and include the following: 1. What is the challenge that animates you (gets you out of bed in the morning and motivates)? 2. What is it you are doing to meet that challenge? 3. What’s your vision of success?
Find "your edge"
The edge is the domain of the Dark Knight. He possesses the gift of knowing that a life not lived fully is not a life at all. Where other men can conveniently hide behind their women, financial security, or achievement, the Dark Knight is compelled to pull back the veil of fear and look it in the eye. He is beckoned to the edge – drawn to danger and even to death. To some degree, every man lives at his edge. The edge is where you invite the unknown, where you cross the borders of what is determined to be safe. You push the envelope of your faith, your strength, or your love. It’s that place where you know you’re not operating on autopilot.
Putting your life on the line is always an edge. And yet, your edge might be far less dangerous. It might be exploring that place inside yourself you’ve never dared to look – a debilitating addiction or a limiting belief. It can be committing in love to a woman (if that’s a genuine, personal edge and not a hideout). To be fully alive, plugged into the creative force of your masculinity, you need to know your edge like you know the edge of your own face.
If you want to take your sex life and lovemaking skills to the next level I also recommend reading The Multi-Orgasmic Man, Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm, and She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. As I wrote in-depth about in my book, cultivating myself as a tantric man has resulted in the beautiful, harmonious relationship I have with my wife - it's made a difference for us...
Open Her teaches a man how to embody 7 Masculine Archetypes to engage his woman in a deeper, more passionate dance of love. Each archetype brings a power and a gift, a secret key to his woman’s love and desire.
Open Her will inspire a man to love his masculinity and to know the power it holds to open a woman to ever deepening states of pleasure and love.
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