AVOID the Friend-Zone — 14 things girls LOVE to talk about - Content for “Chemistry”

By Jonathan Roseland

Talk with girls

So you score a date with a hottie and she actually shows up, you get drinks or coffee together at a cafe. But you struggle to find anything really stimulating to discuss. You’re a bit nervous and run out of things to say. There are awkward silences. You lose her attention as she begins playing on her smartphone. After about an hour, she says, “Well, I’ve got something to do. Nice to meet you [fake smile].”
And she walks right out of your life. OPPORTUNITY LOST. You kick yourself thinking, what the hell did I do wrong? She seemed excited to meet me for a date, I thought there would be instant “chemistry” but there was none…

Chemistry requires content.

You need to be able to engage her in a conversation that she finds stimulating. But that will likely be different than what you find stimulating — if you’re like me, the things you find stimulating are health, philosophy, history, politics, entrepreneurship, meditation, and fitness. But, most young attractive women are NOT going to be very interested in this kind of stuff. She’ll get bored, awkward silences will ensue, and she won’t be all that interested in seeing you again.

Below I’ve got a list of 14 topics conducive to seduction that turn women on, which will engage their playful side. But first I’ve got a little story about an opportunity I lost, a first date that I bungled.

I had high hopes for my first date with Brenda, a 23-year-old Colombiana. We had met through a few mutual friends and had great chemistry (which I got a funny video of here). I had dated enough Colombian girls at this point to know what I wanted and what I should avoid. She seemed like Grade-A, 100%, pure girlfriend-material; college girl, spoke pretty good English, not a single mother, not smoker or heavy drinker, she didn’t upload a bunch of skanky photos of herself to social media, and she didn’t dress like a total slut (like a lot of them do). By this time I had culturally acclimatized myself to Colombia, I spoke Spanish great and was a decent dancer. Brenda seemed excited to meet me so I thought, this one is in the bag! We met at a little sushi restaurant, a date-spot that had served me well in the past… And there was no chemistry, the sexy energy we had when we met failed to reignite — in fact, surprisingly she was a little cold to me. After, I texted her a few times suggesting a second date and her response indicated that I was friend-zoned! How the hell did I screw this up? I thought to myself…

Here’s what I think I did wrong, the date spot I picked was cold. I had picked a table near the restaurant’s patio and it was a cool evening there in the city of eternal spring. Sushi is cold and so were our beverages. I’ve always had I higher tolerance to the cold (I kind of like it), but I ignored the fact that skinny women tend to really hate the cold. In my mental review of the date, she had mentioned the cold and pulled her jacket up. Again, I was pretty experienced gaming Colombianas at this point and she seemed interested in me, so I think it was the cold date spot that put the “chemistry” on freeze. These sorts of logistical details can make or break you. Pick warm, comfortable date spots guys!

With that little lesson out of the way, here are 14 stimulating subjects that make for good conversation with attractive girls:

  • Astrology — For some reason, most women are convinced that astrology has everything to do with their personality type, the way life goes for them, and they love to talk about it! So look up what your sign is — familiarizing yourself a bit with this silly personality pseudo-science will give you a lot to talk about with girls.
  • Pets and animals — The vast majority of women REALLY LOVE animals. Ask her if she has pets and tell her about the pets you had growing up. Create an album or playlist in your smartphone of cute or funny videos and photos of animals, show it to them, and they will swoon.
  • Travel experiences — Regaling a woman with tales of your travel experiences to exotic places will certainly entice her. It suggests that you’re wealthy and at the same time an untameable mysterious, cinematic “lover.” Ask her where she’s traveled and then instead of just listing off where you’ve traveled, drop hooks, make allusions to your travels, “…that reminds me of one time that I almost got arrested in Barcelona…”
  • Cultural differences and foreign languages — Make observations about the cultural nuances of different places. Learn a little Spanish, French, Japanese, or Russian and she’ll be fascinated with your cosmopolitan multilingualism.
  • Indulgent food, desserts, dining, and restaurants — Women love to talk about tasty food, it suggests something stimulating (and expensive!) that you could do together. My mom married this guy who would regale her, talking about all these fancy restaurants and exotic foods he would try during his career as a military officer. After they got married, she learned that he had this strange medical condition and couldn’t really taste the difference between fine dining and stale-refrigerated fast food. Clearly, he knew what women like to hear.
  • Wu-wu spirituality and self-help — When girls tell you “I’m spiritual, but not religious,” it typically means that she’s going to be pretty easy to sleep with. If she’s actually religious then you’ll quite likely have to be her committed boyfriend (or husband) to sleep with her. Very few women are atheists, and they are usually pretty weird, it’s a bit of a red flag. “Spiritual” girls will go on and on about all these pseudo-spiritual pop-culture topics — reincarnation, karma, intuition, manifestation — that they believe very strongly in because of some book or silly movie they watched. A lot of girls are also fascinated by the more wu-wu side of personal growth, you’ll have their undivided attention when you say, “when I did an Ayahuasca ceremony, I realized that we are all really one…”
  • Fashion — What she is wearing and what you are wearing. Talk about your favorite fashion brand. Peruse a few of the blogs and Youtube channels about men’s fashion so you aren’t totally clueless about fashion.
  • Her race and your race — Despite political correctness trying to make race a scary no-go topic, girls are usually interested in talking about it. Make an observation like, “you look a bit Italian or Spanish…” she’ll respond with something like, “Oh, my mom is part Argentinean, that’s what makes me so passionate…”
  • Breaking the law, getting arrested, times you almost died, etc — You want to have some stories about bad you flirting with danger, especially if you’re a typical upstanding “nice guy” this adds some shades of gray to how she sees you.
  • Her and your families — This is actually a pretty important thing to learn about and usually something that women are happy to share. If she was raised by a single mother and doesn’t hold her father in high esteem that says a lot about the kind of relationship you could anticipate having with her. If she moved thousands of miles away from her family that’s also a bit of a red flag. If she was raised in a “nuclear family” she might be solid girlfriend or wife-material.
  • Movies and TV shows — Girls are endlessly enchanted by mainstream entertainment; the latest romantic comedy or addictive Netflix series. If you, like me, find most of this stuff insufferable and refuse to sit through hours of it to become pop-culturally adroit, there are a bunch of Youtube channels that summarize in 5 or 10 minutes the hottest shows or movies.
  • Books — If she reads that’s a pretty good sign, fewer and fewer women do nowadays. Women tend to prefer fiction. If you read a few novels a year that will give you something to talk about with a bookworm.
  • Dancing and partying — Most women like dancing; take some salsa, Latin, or hip-hop dance classes and you’ll be a “man with flavor.” It also gives you a fun thing to talk about. Tell her about the best party you’ve ever been to…
  • Booze and drugs — Start by talking about some exotic liquor or drink you enjoy, “When I have something to celebrate, I like to drink Patron-Redbull doubles.” While vice is a conversation topic that most girls are tickled by, I’ll remind you that you don’t want an alcoholic or drug addict in your life. If she exhibits more than just a little curiosity about vice, that’s a red flag.
  • Sexuality and kinks — Unless she’s quite conservative, after warming her up with a few drinks or some stimulating conversation of the above topics, you can take the conversation in a sexual direction. If she shies away from the whole subject that means you might have to wait six months to sleep with her. 

These are the kinds of topics that actually move an awkward first date toward seduction. I suggest that you create a “stack” of things to talk about from the list above, topics you’re conversant on. And, importantly, you want to practice your “stack,” so you don’t forget it and run out of things to say when you’re on the spot with a real-life woman. If you don’t have a lot of women in your life that you regularly interact with, the best way to do this is vlogging. Create a rough outline of a “stimulating conversation stack” and just talk your way through it extemporaneously for about 10–15 minutes in front of your webcam or smartphone. Then watch your vlogs (you don’t have to make them public) and you’ll notice a bunch of little things that you can improve in your verbal game. Vlog every day for 10–15 minutes for a couple of weeks or a month and you’ll have committed to memory some great conversational material that won’t (frustratingly) escape you when you finally get in front of a girl that excites you. And I can anticipate your objection…

This all seems formulaic, pretending to be interested in these silly things that girls are into, and then pre-scripting a “conversational stack.” Shouldn’t I just let the chemistry happen “naturally?” I want a girl who likes me for just being myself

Unless you are bump’n grinding on a sweaty dancefloor in Brazil, chemistry requires content — good content. You buy a car or house from the salesperson that’s curious about you and what you want, who is attentive to your interests. You’re probably an intellectual, geeky kind of guy, go talk to girls about the kinds of things you’re interested in on first dates, and just see what that gets you…

Spend your first date talking about your views on politics, religion, the COVID-19 pandemic, your favorite videogames, some conspiracy theory that you’ve watched a million Youtube videos about, your gym workouts, your career, or the entrepreneurial endeavor you’re undertaking, and (shockingly) she probably won’t be begging you to “Have your way with me, sir!”

Many women will have read relationship books that advise them: show interest in what he talks about. So she may pretend to be interested in your career as an electrical engineer, your cryptocurrency investment strategy, the app you’re working on, or the special health supplements you take — but this is the highway to the Friend-Zone, my friend! These topics are not going to excite her, and she’ll start seeing you as a potentially helpful acquaintance to keep around, not an exciting lover to throw caution to the wind with.

Of course, conversational content is not the only thing that creates chemistry — your looks, personality, and social status have a lot to do with it too. The exciting-to-girls topics that I list will stimulate chemistry if you are a generally attractive guy with not-awful game. Once you seduce her and spike her Oxytocin you can drone on about the geeky intellectual stuff you’re into over dinner all you want. Remember the iron rule of dating: If she sees you as a “lover” (and confirms by sleeping with you) she’ll forgive almost everything you do or say. But, if she sees you as a “provider” or puts you in the Friend-Zone, it will be damn near impossible to change her mind.

Whether it’s on a first date or the phone, the first real conversation you have with a girl really matters.
It’s the inception of seduction, but perhaps more importantly, it’s your opportunity to filter, to give red flags the chance to pop up. In my new book, I describe the four major flags that should either make you back away slowly or proceed with extreme caution. Read it and you’ll waste a lot less time with the wrong kinds of women!


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